Let’s say he blows out his arm this off-season playing wiffle ball, rehabs, then returns to the mound for the Red Sox in 2009. First outing back, he goes double Dave Dravecky (you’d really have to see it) and everyone says, “Wow, he could’ve been really something.” He retires, Eric Gagne makes several All-Star appearances, and the world forgets the name Papelbon. In 2013, he is ready to return for the league minimum, if any team can overlook his amputation.

Despite the t-shirt, this is the only scenario in which John Papelbon ever signs with the Milwaukee Brewers.

Selected favorites:

Fielder said he had no intention of keeping the 50th home run ball, but was hoping for No. 52.

“My dad had 51 (as a season high),” Fielder said. “Then, he can’t say anything.”

And then:

“It would be a cool award to get but that’s not something I think about,” he said, “besides the fact my dad never did it. If I do get it, that shuts him up again.”

And then:

“That’s why I’m so passionate about playing. I don’t mind people comparing me to him but I’m a completely different player. One day I want people to mention my name and not have to mention his.”

And then:

As for the recent comments from his father, Fielder said, “You’ve got to look at who’s saying it. Let’s be honest. He’s not really the brightest guy.”

Wow. Well done, big guy. This is deserving of its own t-shirt. How about “Cecil Fielder squandered my signing bonus, and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.”

CafePress: Prince Fielder Signing Bonus T-Shirt