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W: Cole Hamels (9-10)
L: Chris Capuano (2-3)
S: Ryan Madson (5)

HR: None

MVP: Chris Capuano (+.141)
LVP: Corey Hart (-.183)

Win Expectancy Graph and Star of the Game Voting
SB Nation Coverage

Someone check the visitors' clubhouse in Cincinnati. The Brewers might have left their bats there.

It took the Brewers six innings to get a runner to second base tonight as Cole Hamels, Jose Contreras and Ryan Madson shut out for the Brewers for the first time since July. The Crew managed just three hits, all singles, and three walks. 

Chris Capuano was good for five innings tonight, allowing a lone run (that should not have been earned) on four hits in five innings, walking two and striking out four. He threw 80 pitches, and had a runner in scoring position with less than two outs in three of his five innings. Kameron Loe and John Axford combined to pitch three scoreless innings in relief.

This was the Brewers' eleventh shutout loss of the season, and their first 1-0 loss since July 1, 2009, when they were shut out by Johan Santana and the Mets.

Check out Nicole's series preview, then join us after the jump for tonight's pitching matchup, lineup and more!

Cole Hamels (3.31 ERA, 3.84 FIP) is a pretty good example of how a win-loss record can be deceiving: He's 8-10 in 2010 despite the fact that he does everything pretty well: Baseball Reference estimates he's been worth 3.6 WAR to the Phillies this season, easily the second highest on the pitching staff (behind Roy Halladay, who's in a class by himself). Hamels is sixth in the NL in both walk rate (2 per nine innings) and strikeout rate (9.1 per 9). If he has one weakness, it's the long ball: He's allowed 24 this season, the fifth most in the NL.

Hamels works in the low 90's (92 mph average fastball), and uses a changeup (22% of pitches), a curve (8.1%), and for the first time this season, a cutter (14.6%). All four pitches have been above average this year. He's facing the Brewers for the second time in 2010: On May 16, he held them to two runs on six hits over 6.2 innings, walking three and striking out three. Casey McGehee and Corey Hart took him deep in that game. Four Brewers have faced him ten times or more:

Chris Capuano (5.06 ERA, 4.20 FIP) is making his fourth start of the season, and this is the first time he's been allowed to take two consecutive turns in the rotation. He was pretty bad last time out, allowing six runs on six hits and three walks in just three innings, striking out five and giving up five home runs. He's facing the Phillies for the first time since 2006.

Capuano's fastball velocity is up this season: He's getting 87.6 mph on his average fastball, the fastest it's been since 2004. As usual, he's relying heavily on his changeup (26.1% of pitches), and, also as usual, it's his best pitch (+1.37 runs per 100 pitches). He'll also throw a fair number of sliders (16.1% of pitches), but they're getting hammered (-6.75 runs per 100). Opposing batters are helping him out a bit this season, swinging at 28.1% of his pitches outside the strike zone. For his career he's averaged a 23.1 O-Swing%.

Jimmy Rollins is the only Phillie that's seen Capuano ten times: He's 3-for-9 with a home run and a walk.

Via Anthony Witrado, here's tonight's lineup:

Rickie Weeks 2B
Corey Hart RF
Ryan Braun LF
Prince Fielder 1B
Casey McGehee 3B
Lorenzo Cain CF
Alcides Escobar SS
Jonathan Lucroy C
Chris Narveson P

And in the bullpen:

Todd Coffey faced three batters (8 pitches) Wednesday, and also pitched on Tuesday.
Zach Braddock pitched .2 innings (15 pitches) Wednesday.
Jeremy Jeffress pitched 1 inning (11 pitches) Wednesday.
Mike McClendon faced two batters (6 pitches) Wednesday.
Manny Parra pitched 2 innings (32 pitches) Tuesday.
Kameron Loe pitched 2 innings (41 pitches) Monday.
Trevor Hoffman pitched .2 innings (17 pitches) Monday.
Carlos Villanueva pitched 1 inning for Nashville on Monday.
John Axford hasn't pitched since Saturday.

According to weather.com, it looks like the weather shouldn't be an issue tonight, with a game time temp of 82, a 10% chance of rain and a low of 67.

Enjoy the game!

Phillies Probable Starters (in order)

• Cole Hamels (8-10, 3.31 in 2010; 2010 vs. MIL: 1 GS, 1-0, 2.70 ERA, 3 SO, 3 BB, 2 HR allowed)
• Roy Halladay (16-10, 2.27 in 2010; did not face MIL in 2009 or 2010)
• Kyle Kendrick (9-7, 4.72 in 2010; 2009 vs. MIL: 1 GS, 0-0, 4.50 ERA, 4 SO, 2 BB, 0 HR allowed)
  

Brewers Probable Starters (in order)

• Chris Capuano (did not face SD in 2009 or 2010)
• Dave Bush (2010 vs. PHI: 1 GS, 0-1, 4.50 ERA, 2 SO, 4 BB, 0 HR allowed
• Randy Wolf (2010 vs. PHI: 1 GS, 0-1, 10.80 ERA, 2 SO, 2 BB, 2 HR allowed)
  

BATTING LEADERS

Meet Dom Brown. He's been in the Phillies system since he was 18 and finally got his chance to make his major-league debut when Shane Victorino was injured earlier in the season. Many see him as the heir apparent to Jayson Werth, whom they assume the Phillies will lose to free agency after this season.

He was hitting .330 with 20 home runs in 93 AA and AAA games this season. In the majors he provided some pop when many of the team was out with injury. He's hitting .231 but has a slugging percentage of .404.

Since Victorino returned from the DL, Dom Brown has seen little playing time and Phillies fans are getting antsy. Victorino has struggled at the plate since his return, but manager Charlie Manuel comes from the Ned Yost school of standing behind his players. Victorino has not been sat down and Dom Brown continues to languish on the bench, seeing occasional pinch-hitting opportunities.

 It's likely that once Victorino and Werth were healthy that Brown should have returned to the minor leagues to get regular playing time. He would have returned to the roster with September callups and likely would have been a lot less rusty than he is after having spent those few weeks on the Phillies bench.

Nashville (AAA): The Sounds finished 5-3 overall this week. They won two of their final three against the New Orleans Zephyrs (FLA) (and four of five overall in that series) and then took three of five from the Oklahoma City RedHawks (TEX). The Sounds may be 10 games above .500 (75-65), but that's now nearly good enough for the PCL American North Division. They are still in last place and are 5 games back of the Iowa Cubs and Memphis Redbirds (STL), who are tied for first. The season is running out, too, so they better kick it into high gear if they hope to make the playoffs. And by "kick it into high gear," I mean winning every single game.

Huntsville (AA): The Stars had to fight their way through rain delays on both Friday and Saturday to complete their schedule this week. Once the skies cleared, they split a double-header against the Mobile BayBears (ARI) and lost two of three to the Montgomery Biscuits (TB). After finishing 2-3 this week, the Stars are now 32-33, 8.5 games back of the Tennessee Smokies (CHC). The Stars only have a five game series against Mobile before their season ends. The news on the front of the Huntsville website tells me that they are in contention for the Southern League Wild Card, but they will need to rely on Chattanooga Lookouts (LAD) to lose to make it to the playoffs.

Brevard Co. (A+): The Manatees have decided to finish the season on a low note. Granted, the season is not yet over (only three games left), but they looked like the first half Manatees this week. They went 1-5 this week, including a streak of four straight losses. They were swept in a three game series by the Clearwater Threshers (PHI) and lost two of three to the Tampa Yankees. The Sea Cows are now 35-32, third place in the FSL North Division, and 7.5 games back of the Tampa Yankees. They'll finish off their season with a weekend series against Clearwater.

Wiconsin (A): They began their week by winning the final game in their series against the Burlington Bees (KC) and then split a four game series against the Kane County Cougars (OAK). They lost the first two games in their current series against the Quad Cities River Bandits (STL), including a disappointing, extra-innings loss last night, after they came back from a 4-run deficit late in the game. The Rattlers are now 31-35 on the second half of the season, 10.5 games back of Quad Cities. With only 4 games left, I'm pretty sure the Rattlers aren't making the playoffs. Its hard to believe how a team with so much talent could be so bad. Reminds me a lot of their parent club.

Helena (R+): The Helena Brewers had a pretty decent week. They won their first four games this week (part of an 8-game winning streak), all four against the Idaho Falls Chukars (KC), and then split a double-header against against the Billings Mustangs (CIN). However in their series against the Great Falls Voyagers (CHW), they've lost the first two. After finishing 5-3 this week, the H-Brewers are now 19-12, a half game ahead of second place Great Falls.

Arizona (R): The Baby Brewers finished their season off on a high note. They won the Arizona League championship, beating the Arizona Reds in the final game. They also beat the Arizona Rangers to advance to the final game. If you count those two playoff games, they won their final three games of the season. They finished their season with a 34-22 record, 2.5 games ahead of the Arizona Reds.

Transactions

• Wisconsin 3B Cutter Dykstra and Nick Bucci were activated from the 7-day DL.
• Dan Merklinger was promoted from Brevard Co. to Nashville.
• Dexter Bobo was promoted from Arizona to Brevard Co.
• Charley Bahara, Jose Sanchez, Tyler Roberts, Nick Shaw, Kenny Allison, and Alex Periard were promoted from Arizona to Helena for the last few days of the season.

Five Up

1. Erik Komatsu: Komo is having a solid finish to his very solid season. He went 9-23 (.391) over the past week with 4 doubles, 5 RBIs, 6 runs scored, and three stolen bases. The Mantees OF has been probably the most consistent player throughout the entire system this year.
2. Jason Rogers: Rogers had a decent season for the Arizona Brewers, but he earned his spot on the Five Up list mainly for his performance in the AZL playoffs. He hit .429, including a 3-hit, 5 RBI performance in the championship game. He also finished a triple shy of the cycle in that game.
3. Cutter Dykstra: If the Brewers gave out a Comeback Player of the Year award, it should probably go to Cutter Dykstra. Lil' Nails went 13-29 (.448) last week including 5 RBIs, 5 runs scored, and 3 stolen bases. He now leads the Rattlers with a .316 avg. and is second in OBP to Kentrail Davis. The only thing missing from his game is power; all of his hits last week were singles. A .421 slugging % probably won't do for a major league 3B.
4. Brendan Katin: The slugging Sound gets an 'A' for power this week, but he also gets an 'A' for overall avg. He went 12-28 (.429) this week and currently has a 7 game hitting streak going. Katin hit 5 homers and drove in 13 runs, including 7 in one game.
5. Chris Dennis: Dennis started the season out red-hot, but then cooled off as the summer went on. But he's making a late season push to improve his overall numbers for the year. This week he went 10-25 (.400) including 2 doubles, 2 homers, 7 RBIs, and 8 runs scored. 

Five Down

1. Corey Frerichs: The Brevard Co. reliever made three appearances this week, two of which were rather forgettable. In his first outing he allowed 4 runs and couln't even record an out. He also allowed a run in his .1 inning pitched on Tuesday. Overall: 5 ER in 2 innings pitched. 
2. Scooter Gennett: I'm not sure if Scooter has realized this, but Cutter Dykstra has passed him up as batting average department. After hitting .340 for much of the season, Scooter has seen his average fall all the way down to .309. Gennett hasn't collected a hit in his last three games and went 4-29 (.138) this week.
3. Eric Farris: The Nashville 2B also hasn't collected a hit in his last three games, although he doesn't seem quite as lost at the plate as his Wisconsin counterpart. Farris went 6-27 (.222) this week.
4. Matt Costello: Costello made three relief appearances this week and allowed at least one run in each. In 6.2 innings pitched he allowed 5 R (4 ER) on 4 H and 4 BB. He took the loss in last night's 11-inning games against Quad Cities.
5. Greg Hopkins: If the Helena Brewers hope to make the playoffs, they'll need Hopkins to get back on track. The 3B went 6-31 (.194) last week and hasn't collected a hit in his last 4 games. At least one of his hits this week was a home run.

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Some things to read while fixing the situation.

The Brewers were off yesterday before opening a series in Philadelphia tonight. Tom Haudricourt suggests you shouldn't get too excited about this weekend's set, as the Brewers are 23-43 against teams with winning records this season.

I think many of us have been treating a potential Prince Fielder trade as inevitable for months now, but maybe it's less likely than we thought: Jon Heyman of Sports Illustrated says the Brewers are "still holding a slim hope" to sign Fielder to an extension, and Jayson Stark says the Brewers have been "shocked" by the other teams' lack of interest in trading for him. 7th Inning Stache has a look at what it might take to keep Fielder in Milwaukee.

Prince Fielder's long-term future with the organization is still in doubt, but Jeremy Jeffress' might be coming into focus. Bryan Smith of FanGraphs has a look at Jeffress' stuff and says he "profiles as a major league closer."

Carlos Villanueva rejoined the team this week, and Tom Haudricourt has a story about his experience back in the minors. Villanueva says he worked with Nashville pitching coach Rich Gale to correct some glitches in his mechanics.

MLB Depth Charts has unveiled their NL All Star Team for August, and the Brewers have two position players (Ryan Braun and Casey McGehee) in the starting lineup. Not surprisingly, no Brewer pitchers are mentioned.

It's possible Chris Narveson might be the Brewers' most effective pitcher since August 1: He's posted a 3.55 ERA over six starts, and the Brewers are 4-2 in those games. The relatively sudden surge has prompted Jack Moore of Disciples of Uecker to change his opinion: He now says Narveson projects for about 1.5 WAR per season, good enough to be a #4 or 5 starter in a good rotation.

MLB Trade Rumors has a look at this offseason's projected Elias rankings, and the Brewers project to receive no compensation for their pending free agents. Trevor Hoffman is a Type B free agent, but the Brewers would have to offer him arbitration and have him sign elsewhere to receive compensation, and that combination seems unlikely. Dave Bush is still outside the cut for Type B status.

If nothing else comes of this season, at least we can claim this victory: A poster at Brewerfan.net got an email from WMLW letting them know that they're planning on upgrading their 2011 Brewer broadcasts, and mentioning the possibility of HD.

In the minors:

• The affiliates went 2-4 last night with the only wins coming in Oklahoma City, where Brendan Katin went 3-for-6 with a pair of doubles as Nashville swept a doubleheader against the RedHawks. You can read about that and more in today's Minor League Notes.
• 2004 first round pick Mark Rogers is having the kind of season he needed to have to prove he's healthy and back to being a solid pitching prospect. Rogers has struck out 114 batters in 116 minor league innings this season, and reportedly hit 101 on the radar gun his last time out. (h/t Battlekow)
• The Appleton Post Crescent has a pretty nice profile of Wisconsin starter Nick Bucci, with a focus on his aggressive style.
• Wisconsin plays their final home game of 2010 tonight, and they're auctioning off jerseys from their "Brewers Sunday" promotion. Six jerseys remain, including one worn in a game by Kyle Heckathorn and one signed by the team. Proceeds from the auction benefit the Children's Hospital of Wisconsin.
• Ever wondered what it's like to catch in the minor leagues? Chad Anderson has a great feature story with quotes from three veteran catchers in Huntsville: Anderson De La Rosa, Patrick Arlis and Dayton Buller.
• Call to the Pen mentioned Angel Salome as part of their This Week in Prospects feature, and sums up his season pretty nicely with this quote: "Pretty much everything that made Salome such an intriguing prospect in the first place is gone."

Around baseball:

Marlins: Signed catcher Mike Rivera to a minor league deal.

It's once again worth noting that the Reds are having pretty significant problems drawing fans out to the park, but they're doing great on TV. Tuesday's Brewers/Reds game set a new ratings record for FS Ohio, and Wednesday's game broke that record. The Reds are eight games up and play the Cardinals this weekend. The NL Central race could be over by Monday.

We've seen a lot of September callups this week, but this might be the most unlikely one: The Diamondbacks called up Mike Hampton yesterday. He pitched four games in relief this season for AAA Reno, but hasn't appeared in the majors since August of 2009.

Speaking of the Diamondbacks, they're on the verge of breaking a dubious Brewer record. TheJay sent me this email yesterday:

The Arizona Diamondbacks have 1235 strikeouts through 134 games, putting them on pace for 1493 strikeouts in 2010.

 

The major league record is 1399 by the 2001 Brewers.

The fact that the D-backs might break that record isn't all that surprising. But the fact that they might break it by 100 is pretty impressive.

Here's today's update on the upcoming minor league shuffle: One more AA option for the Brewers is off the table, as the Rays have extended their contract with Montgomery.

1990 Brewer Dave Parker is not in the Hall of Fame, so he'll have to settle for being the starting right fielder and #5 hitter on Baseball Past and Present's starting lineup of players not enshrined in Cooperstown.

On this day in 1976, Mike Hegan hit for the cycle as the Brewers beat the Tigers, 11-2. It was the first cycle in Brewer franchise history.

Happy birthday today to:

• Brevard County Manatee R.J. Seidel, who turns 23.
• 1998-2002 Brewer Chad Fox, who turns 40.
• 1998-99 Brewer Eric Plunk, who turns 47.
• La Crosse native Ed Konetchy, who would have turned 125. Konetchy spent 15 years in the major leagues with the Cardinals and five other teams.

Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time for breakfast.

Drink up.

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If you aren't paying close attention, there's a member of the Brewers' Opening Day roster you might have forgotten. Mitch Stetter broke camp with the team, but faced just two batters (retiring them both) in the team's first ten games before being sent to Nashville. It was nearly a month before he was recalled, and he made seven appearances in May before being sent down again on May 23. 

Stetter has been in Nashville since then, and when rosters expanded this week the Brewers opted not to call him up, at least at first. It's still possible he could be added to the roster sometime in September (likely after the AAA season ends), but I think it should happen sooner. 

Dispelling a myth

On the surface, Stetter's numbers in AAA have not been pretty. In 39 appearances, he's posted a 7.20 ERA over 40 innings. He's giving up a fair number of hits (around 10 per nine innings) and he's walking a few too many (4.0/9).

These numbers are disconcerting, to be sure, but they don't tell the whole story. As a major leaguer, Stetter has been used as a situational lefty (LOOGY), and he's been very good in that role. Since his major league debut in 2007, he's held opposing lefties to a .192/.315/.325 line, and he strikes out nearly every third batter he faces.

In the minors, he's still getting lefties out. According to Minor League Splits, Stetter is holding opposing lefties to a .206 batting average in AAA, and he's struck out 30 of the 78 he's faced, good for roughly 14 strikeouts per nine innings. 

On the whole, he's striking out 11.2 batters per nine innings on the season, which is much more than current/former Sounds teammates Carlos Villanueva (8.8), Mike McClendon (7.2), and Kameron Loe (5.6) at that level. 

We shouldn't be burying Stetter based his AAA numbers, because the most significant thing they tell us is what we already knew: He shouldn't be consistently used to face right handed hitters.

On value

As situational lefties go, Stetter is a pretty good one. His ability to strike out a tough opposing lefty is a valuable skill that can be leveraged into key situations.

The Brewers have two lefties in their bullpen right now, but neither of them are really cut out for a situational lefty role. Manny Parra hasn't been able to get lefties out this season (they're hitting .344/.410/.621 off of him), and using Zach Braddock as a LOOGY may hinder his ability to develop into a reliever that gets righties out too.

Furthermore, even if he's called up immediately Stetter will likely finish the season with less than two full years of service time, meaning he's available at the league minimum for next season and under team control for four more years.

Conclusion

A situational lefty isn't the most critical role on a team or even in the bullpen. Mitch Stetter has been gone almost all year and you can make the case that the Brewers haven't really missed him. But, if used correctly, Stetter could still be an effective and cheap member of the 2011 bullpen. With the bullpen already overworked and auditions for 2011 underway, in my mind there's really no reason why Stetter shouldn't get a callup to Milwaukee in the next week or two.

Then we remembered that there isn't going to be a MACHAWATCH! next year.  So we'll Dibble this thing, doctor the ball with some Crisco, and pitch through the pain.

If you're not hanging around the game threads because the season's gone down the crapper, you're missing out, people.  nullacct is like a Bizarro version of the Cohen Brothers, consistently cranking out comedy gold.  Last night was no exception, and MACHAWATCH! HQ found it especially funny:

After the jump: why the NarvDog should be barkin' mad at his skipper; some self-congratulation; and, after a one-week hiatus, @notkenmacha.

This Week in Standing By Your Man: If there's one glaring contrast between Ken Macha and Ned Yost, it's the former's refusal to participate in the "stand by your player at all costs" behavior that was a hallmark of the latter's tenure.  While Ned's dogged insistence on defending his players at every turn provided us with such gems as "Rickie is a run-scorer" and "you can't say Rickie's underachieving, because he's never achieved up here," the quotables have been fewer and farther between under Macha.*  But his comments about his decision to remove Chris Narveson from last night's game, after the NarvDog walked Ramon Hernandez with one out in the seventh, stood out to me:

"I didn't want him to pitch that whole game and get a loss," said Macha ... "He was going to be in there until he got a man on. He did his job. Three relievers came in and didn't get anybody out."

Do you read that quote the same way I do -- that Macha had zero confidence in Narveson's ability to get out of that inning without surrendering the lead?  Put aside, for a moment, the accuracy of Macha's comments; he's almost indisputably right to have little faith in Narveson (as FtJ so eloquently put it this morning: NarvDog's got a terminal case of teh sux), but did he really need to announce that publicly?  If I'm Narveson, I'm taking advantage of the skipper's open door policy today; as diplomatically as possible, I need to ask Macha: "What in the **** was THAT all about?"

There has to be a happy medium in between the Yostian Extreme and the Macha Extreme, no?  Or am I not paying enough attention to the behavior of other skippers around the league?  Do most managers fall on one end of the spectrum or the other?

* Save for POPPYCOCK and zim-zam, of course.

This Week in Navel-Gazing: Hey, remember last week, when MACHAWATCH! argued that, based on his comments about being the best centerfielder on the team and Ken Macha's unwillingness to suffer fools, Carlos Gomez wasn't likely to see much action for the rest of the season?

Just in case you're keeping track -- since being activated from the DL, CarGo's numbers look like this:

5 games
1 game started
8 plate appearances -- 4 as a pinch hitter

Fine, we didn't exactly go out on a limb with this particular prediction.  But a win's a win, right?

This Week in @notkenmacha: You may have heard that Nationals outfielder Nyjer Morgan lost his mind last night, charging the mound after a pitch was thrown behind him, getting decked by a clothesline, and then walking off the field with his shirt unbuttoned and his arms raised like he was some kind of WWE heel.  @notkenmacha certainly heard about it, and he's a big fan:

Hello Rupaul:

Last night after we lost to the Senators, I decided to head to the nearest Perkins and eat a whole key lime pie. I figured submerging myself in pie would help me piece together my strategy for keeping Mat Gamel on the bench and off my ass for the rest of this shitty season. Normally when I walk into a Perkins I unilaterally demand that all the TVs be turned to the Weather Channel, or the Hallmark Channel -- if Father Dowling Mysteries is on. However, last night they had the TV tuned into the ESPN and I witnessed one of the greatest baseball plays I have ever seen on a diamond, since my days playing in the Yukon Nightime Exploratory League.

Nyjer Morgan is Viagra in its purest baseball form. I have never had the honor or pleasure of coaching for or against Nyjer Morgan, but I can tell we are kindred souls, and it is only a matter of time (probably the same amount of time it will take for our Canadian dipshit front office to get canned) before we are united to create sweet baseball magic.

Kenneth Manson Macha has only one baseball rule. "If a pitcher throws behind you, you better charge the mound". Of course this should be apparent to any one of your readers that can fog a mirror -- but since it is safe to presume that most of your readers are paste-eaters, I will expound on this truism briefly. A batter doesn't get awarded first base if the pitcher throws behind him, therefore, rather than let that dipshit throw at you again, hustle out there and kick his ass.

One thing that pisses me off about this team I am managing, is that they keep getting hit like a lot of little bitches, but never charge the mound. This fat guy named Prince Falkner, keeps getting plunked -- some of it probably due to gravitational pull -- but some of it is intentional. When Porky gets plunked, what does he do? He stares at the pitcher as if he has heat-ray vision. Lame. After the game, he will come into my office and ask me what I am going to do about it. I tell him that it is not my job to rub his belly, and kiss his boo-boos. He will inevitably ask me to have one of the pitchers to take care of his business for him -- of course this is silly, as it is a scientific fact that pitchers are pussies, and at the end of the day Pudgie is going to need to learn how to cash his own checks. I always remind him, that no pitcher is going to hit him harder than his tits already do when they are slapping against his face when he runs. This guy's inability to charge the mound  makes us all look like a bunch of tools.

I also want to tip my hat to Gabby Sanchez who executed a perfect Salty Parker clothesline. As a side note, I teared up a bit as I realized how much America misses Salty Parker, and how we could really use him in our time of national need. Back in the early 70s when I was in spring training with the Pirates, Salty Parker taught all of his first-basemen how to clothesline opponents. Of course we couldn't practice clotheslines on real people, so Salty would round up a bunch of Hungarians to help us with our drills. The Hungarians would form a circle around a first-baseman, and charge the center of the circle one at a time. The first baseman would clothesline the first Hungarian, and then perform a ninja-roll, and be ready to hammer the next attacker. Willie Stargell was the best clothesliner I ever saw. In fact his nickname "Pops" came from his ability to "pop" off Hungarian noggins. Attention to execution is what made Stargell a Hall of Famer.

The only thing wrong with the whole Morgan incident, was that Kevin Mench was allowed to be on camera. When I agreed to rejoin MLB, part of my stipulation was that Kevin Mench's head would not be allowed to be shown on TV. How is a stud like Morgan getting drilled left and right, while a dud like Mench has gone through the season unmarked? I noticed that Mench has 15 plate appearances this year already -- that sounds like 15 chances to be plunked....

I need to settle down before the key-lime gets sour in my stomach.

Best to you Richie,

Baseballingly Yours,

Kenneth

P.S. Tony Curtis Sucks.